Archives for April 2007

My father went away for the week and I am here all by myself.  Usually being by myself is not a problem, but there are a couple.  We have been working on this ladies car for a while and finally we are putting the transmission into the vehicle.  I also have a few vehicles that are not ready yet.

I guess I should not be worried about this shit, but I cannot stop myself from thinking about it.  The other problem I have been having is going out into the public.  I have been feeling like the walls keep closing in on me.  My situation sounds stupid and weird, but I swear it is true.  I will be talking to my wife about it tonight.  Some days I come home all I want to do is cry like a little baby. I do not know if I am having problems dealing with stress or if it is something else.  I love my job.  It is fun, hard, and I feel like I did something after it is all said and done.

I have had this issue about working the same job for more than 2 years.  I am at the 1 year and 9 month mark.  Do I have to change jobs/careers to stay happy?  I hope not…  I really do like working for my father.

Heather and I are now looking for a house.  I should feel really happy about our situation, but I am nervous about it.  I was told I have a worrying problem…  Do I have to create nothing into something to have some type of conflict in my life?  I think so.

I used to buy shit to make me happy.  I have stopped doing that.  I used to blow $150-$300 a week on stupid shit.   Now I do not blow money when I am depressed.  I have been coming home and doing nothing.  I worry and worry and worry.  I am now affecting my wife.  I guess the more and more I write, I think I need happy pills…  Do drugs help you cope with reality?
What I have changed over the last 3 months?  I have not been playing Halo 2 at all.  I used to play Halo 2 on XBox Live 45-60 minutes a day and sometimes 2-3 hours!  When my wife and I were going at it 3-4 times a week, I was do ok.  When I was smoking 3-5 cigarettes a day, I did not worry like I do now.  Do I need the Halo 2, sex and/or nicotine to deal with daily problems?  The sex helped me feel like myself and comfortable with my wife.  The nicotine gave me a high and made me like confident about my life.  Halo 2 helped get the aggression out of my system.

Have you ever over analyzed a situation?  I think I am.  I think my major problem is my sleeping habits.   I need a good 9 hours of sleep tonight and I will get it.  No WWE, Halo 2, Wii, or anything else will keep me up tonight.  I know I have some type of problem, but I need more rest to find out.

Andrew